H50h 3.20 Non-sardonic Recap (Mostly): Cause It Shredded My <3 to Pieces [Part 2]

Find Part 1 of the recap here.

*** Spoiler: Some plot details may have accidentally got in. ***

*** Alert: Flail, emo and random thoughts all got in. ***

*** Also: Explicit content intended. ***

I’m skipping some lil’bits of the mellow-lighted scene where I left off and which is a perverted version of a cargument involving McG’s interrogation of Barchis – cause 12 hours later I still can’t cope with McG’s deep green eyes and I’m running low on tissues and slivovitz. Enough to say that Barchis the b@stard admits he is one but does so with a “I-couldn’t-care-less”-face and I urgently need to bang his head against the car’s windshield, which has a head-shaped crack in it already anyway. Reluctantly, Barchis starts driving only to roll out of the car while happening to forget McRoll still in it. The vehicle crashes against a palm tree or whatever trees they are that grow in jungles. Now, wouldn’t it be an epic irony for McRoll to survive smuggling their h@t @sses across the border to where 110% population hate Americans only to die in a ridiculous road accident there? Luckily, I notice there are 20 more minutes to go, thus I’m confident of McRoll’s full recovery for now.

Scenery sighting. Also: A man of action on top of a car. The car is me. #ProjectionIssues

Barchis runs for life, but he is a Not-Seal, so Yes-Seal promptly catches up with him and launches himself at his head. Cat(h) joins the formation to make it a threesome and team McRoll try to prevent Barchis from emitting what may or may not be attempted speech sounds. McRoll have Barchis’s back. Under their knees, that is. ::: Random explicit thought: I can’t help thinking that I’d seriously consider sacrificing a broken rib or two for the pleasure of having my head in McG’s lap or thereabouts. Or vice versa. Meaning his head in my lap, obvi. End of random explicit thought. :::

McG gives Barchis a second chance, the generous handsome devil that he is, and a second later they exchange some gibberish that may or may not be either Bad English or Bad Korean, on which McG manhandles his knife (Hello knife holster!!) and cuts Barchis’s hands loose so that he could dig with them. Orders on panty-sensitive sound frequencies are issued and my panties threaten strike but I won’t have them cause I know what’s coming. #Seeerious. ::: Clarica: Mind you, I’m not a future plot foreteller like the frightening genius that is Maha (Hello Prettteee!), but I’ve seen this already, y’know, so I know. :::

If McRoll gets you grounded… Well, enjoy. Also: How does it feel to be a scooter and have McG all over you?

::: Taking a few deep breaths. This will be bad. ::: Yes. DeFOYbrillator? Oh, wait, intermezzo. Steve inquires of Cat(h): “How bad?” and lifts her tee to expose some well-done bruise make-up representing a fractured rib. Rib RIP. Kinda nice seeing Steve do what I always wanted of him, but this isn’t really the time. ::: Tugging nervously at my tissue box and waiting. ::: Yesss. Very very bad. I don’t think that I can recap it in full. So I won’t. Briefly: The dug-up bones are Blondie, indeed, but they have been mutilated and I refuse to rewatch this scene. Let’s leave this up to the people who evaluate other people’s acting. They’d better watch, the b@stards. Alex acts devastated and moves on to furious but I can’t say for sures cause I can’t see for tears. I’m taking a break now. You know what happened. If you dunno but wanna know, you’re reading the wrong recap and you might wish to go here.

::: Back. Still more decomposed than composed, but that’s ok, I’m keeping it thematic. ::: Steve exercises superhuman superseal supercontrol and doesn’t do to Barchis what the b@stard did to Blondie. Maybe he should have. #JustSayin. Cat(h) is managing the scene well, making her big Hello Kitty eyes at the right moments and “Steve”-ing McG with the right tone and simply being a great supporting actress. Cute. #Non-sardonically. Back to Show: Steve attaches Barchis to a grenade, advises him he’d better not move and does so in a voice in which there’s no hatred now but so much coldness that I don’t think I’ll ever get warm again. ::: Ssshiverinnn & teethhh chattterinnn for realsss. ::: Sidebar: I’ve always been a very cold person. :::

Does this person look androgyneous or is it just me?

Cat(h) creepily eliminates an androgynously looking undersized baddie while Steve does the same for his-her fullsized companion. Bone snap is heard. A very ugly sound in the middle of the night, BTW. ::: FYI, I’m recapping at night time again, expecting the visit(ation) of my mean koala neighbours. For it’s 3AM here, GM+1, and my laptop loudspeakers are sounding like WW III right now. ::: The two pairs of American pants are up to some serious BAMF stuff but they are heavily outnumbered by @merican-p@nts-h@ters. Steve gets cornered and looks so touchingly lost that my panties demand: “Is it still too soon?” – “Yes, too soon still,” my cracked ❤ coolly responds (it hasn’t got warm yet) and my lady and not-lady parts alike watch Steve gesturing Cat(h) to give up, while a bunch of miniature people disarm them and pat them down. ::: Where do I audition for this role? And do I have to be Korean? If yeah, it’s discriminatory. #JustSayin. :::

McRoll stopped from rolling. Also: The day McRoll were just like us.

Team McRoll, Cat(h) looking vulnerable and McG looking his ordinary gorgeous (< see the irony of the phrase?), are brought to say 안녕하세요 to another old Not BFF, whom I shall name simply Chief. ::: Sidebar: I wonder if any of the minor characters that I’m naming here are called anyhow in the epi and if so, how? I honestly can’t hear any names and must keep inventing them. And: I just decided to start calling Cat(h) just Cat. You saw that coming. ::: Threats are being exchanged between two manly masculine egos, one of them handsome, the other less so, but still passing. The convo is to no avail and shockingly, Show misses an excellent occasion to clarica. I wonder WTF is going on. Why the h3ll did the little l3sbians desecrate Blondie’s body? (Anyone??) #JustCurious. Meanwhile, the fate, the past, the grenade catches up with Barchis and he’s killered, dead dead dead. The b@stard that he was. But: He left his mark on the world all over the jungle. I mean literally.

McG’s “I-Despise-You-among-Other-Things”-Face.

In response to Barchis’s explosion, McRoll act in unison and I stare hard at McG jumping up quickly and suggestively from a kneeling position to an upright position. (Indecent proposal suggested: Shall we rewind this BACKWARDS SLOWLY?) My unladylike panties won’t have the restraint to respect the wishes of the badly banged contents of my chest cavity and throw themselves violently against my screen. ::: My panty situation forces me to take another break – sh!t, this epi hurts so much on so many levels – and I’m glad the neighbours seem to sleep undisturbed by my disturbance tonite. ::: Back from my non-commercial break, team McRoll overtake control and as McG orders Cat: “Cover me,” I swear I don’t see any double entendre beyond this. ::: LLWL ::: Enough of that. Cause: McG strikes hard at Chief and keeps 4ever&ever on piercing him with bullets and turning him into that particular piece of kitchen utensil which, as I just checked in a dictionary, is called a “sieve”. Or, is it?

McRoll’s (semi-)synchronised jump. The cause of my unladylike flail.

Another tissue-situation and another excellently acted Cat-Steve interaction as McG hesitates at Chief’s fresh corpse and Cat summons Steve back from his emo musings to reasonable reactions presently required. Fade out to flashback and I’m pouring myself more more more slivovitz for what is to come. Which is Blondie butchery. By an amazing twist caused by the cut editing, Blondie is now live and kicking again, hiding in a jungle behind a log with his BFF. No innuendo intended. ::: Needless to say, this is a well-crafted epi and Cat-McG scenes are drawn in neat parallels with Blondie-McG scenes. ::: Dear Show, I do wish you’d put this much effort in EACH epi, not just one in a series. [Namely, IM(H)O, 1.1, 2.10 and 3.20.] My sustained desire for pantslessness absolutely does not prevent me from appreciating art as applicable and available. :::

McG’s “At-the-Dead-Mthfckr’s-Side-Site”-Face.

As per uge, I refuse to recap the following unbearably painful death-on-duty scene. A penchant which renders this recap slightly less useful as a recap and more valuable as a mental rant psychological case study. McG and his Not McG go BAMF, infiltrate the baddies’ camp and headbag the target. But things go sideways and Blondie incurs multiple shot wounds in action. ::: BTW, the BAMF-feature of the two is amazing, they’re a perfect combo. As has been observed by an anonymous commentator (Hello Ess!), Blondie even has a Seal Face just like McG. :::

The emo interaction of the two is the more of a killer. Blondie, bleeding all over his big body so hard that I form a definite wish to hug him tho I don’t really love blondies, sensibly observes that he’s not going anywhere. He tries even harder than he bleeds to convince Steve of the obvious. Promises concerning Blondie’s Not-Gracie-to-Be-Born are made and Blondie dies a fkn ugly death, which reduces the larger shreds of my ❤ to more smaller shreds of the same. As I type, I must force my way to the keyboard through ugly wet layers of used tissues. Ugly ugly ugly. Death.

McG: I promise. – Me: So do I. Till koala RL doth us part.

Fade out to McRoll not rolling but seated comfily on a plane while McG commits the ugliest piece of clarica and I wish to hit him in his face repeatedly. Were it only for the follow-up make-up s.xing. Seriously, Show, you didn’t go through all the special effects trouble to cater for visually challenged viewers, did you? So: WHY T F TELL US WHAT WE HAVE JUST SEEN?! I’m NOT fkn blind and I DID see that the dead seal just saved the live seal’s a$$!! Right?! Pls don’t do it again or I’ll stop watching for the plot. Dun dun dun duuunnn!!

Also: Show, I’m hating you something fierce right now cause WHY T F DO YOU RECYCLE THE PILOT EPI FOOTAGE?! As if the next (wo)man couldn’t recite the lines from the pilot by <3! F U. ::: Out and over for I refuse to recap this recycled stuffing. ::: Insert one last thing: My panties are pretty angry, too, cause they were punched right in between their eyes by the difference in how McG looked in the pilot and how he looks now, which is A BIG DIFFERENCE, FYI. WHO T F THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE A NATURAL TRANSITION?! FCKERS. {(im)potent fistshake} ::: Explanatory: And yes, my panties do have eyes, that’s why they’re after the handsome devil. :::

Show recycles footage. So I may very well recycle screencaps. This one is a leftover from Part 1.

I killered off my !caps lock! to calm down and make myself helpless and !all-cap!-less for your and my own safety. Pls don’t leave me, I’ll be good now. Here’s your recap: I will not assault your intelligence by repeating the clarica pieces. You’re welcome. What happens is a safe landing of the jet and everyone, including my chastised panties, stands to attention as BFF Blondie’s bones disembark. A military funeral provides a convenient occasion to use up whatever bullets were still in stock after the Hawaiian Korean fireworks. Which were not that many. The widow gets a flag-patterned tablecloth The widow ceremonially receives the U.S.A. flag, McG pattycakes with Blondie’s Old Man, gives Blondie’s Old Woman a bear hug and a kissmequick to Blondie’s widow, all of whom respond adequately.

The closing scene is suitably serene and dignified, that is, when you manage to ignore the she-kid, who is not only not cute but also retains one single uniformly fixed unpretty face in all her shots. I mentally nod to Maha and agree that Kids R Dumb. No h8! Finally, McG-Spot, who may or may have not just cried a little, soothes himself by thinking of his FOY and still a bit sadly eyes.xes the horizon, on which the H50hs in mourning appear awkwardly as the three apostles. Wait: How many apostles are there? And is this to suggest that apostles are awkward? (Dunno. You tell me.) Anyway: This scene looks forced to me (ACA, Paula!), but if you insist, I’ll have you have it. I’m now having my rest.

::: Signed off: Marnov & her shredded ❤ & her compromised panties. ALL RIP. :::

The picture that you may wish to imprint on your mind. Even if it will haunt you.

Think you’ve read something similar before? You did. Here. Becoming Sardonic’s apprentice, like commenting and blogging, is one of the things I never meant to but that happened despite me.


10 thoughts on “H50h 3.20 Non-sardonic Recap (Mostly): Cause It Shredded My <3 to Pieces [Part 2]

  1. Jeez, I would sacrifice every bone in my body to be launched at by Steve and being laid down with him on top of me 😉 (hey, don’t get me wrong!) And omg that knife does strange things to my otherwise sane mind! I love your post, it’s humorous and funny, you’re brilliant with words, are you a linguistic expert? As for me, English is not my first language but I love it very much! I have much more to say, so I come back later!


    1. There’s no chance of me getting you wrong cause my mind is a very nice and notatall a naughty place 🙂 You should try not to pick up any bad English here – I am actually in English Literature in RL, but I love word play + I’m a non-native speaker, too, so much of what I’m posting is sure to be a horrible perversion of English.


  2. I’m totally exhausted, because from the point Steve recognises his buddies battered body(bbb stupid-word-choice, as I said, I’m not good at writing!) his acting performance is above and beyond (governor said it before) seriously, “Steve acts devastated and moves on to furious” and “Steve exercises superhuman superseal supercontrol” – he was phenomenal (and Cath Steve-ing him was cute too)! I guess, he didn’t even shed a tear, it was ALL in his emotional acting, just amazing!


    1. ^ THIS ^ might be my favourite scene ever – in terms of emotionality, I mean. It made me literally sick to watch it and I honestly couldn’t force myself to rewatch it for a while. Guess I’m more of a softie than I thought…


  3. Btw I loved the way Cath was supporting her broken rib inside her shirt, although it was a scooter, ’cause we all were staring at McG “you-tortured-my-friends-body-and-I’m-gonna-kill-you-for-that-face” which, for sure, did me completely in, AGAIN!
    Sorry for my writing tons of stuff, I just had to 😆 makes me fell less weighted 😆 with all the McRoll beauty !


    1. Feel free to write ooon…. You’re right, now I clearly recall there WAS Cath in this scene 😉 I think I feel mildly bad now for not really noticing her and her broken rib. But I love her line “It only hurts when I breathe”, a very appropriate characterisation of this episode. My reason for writing anything are exactly as yours – to give vent to emotions that need to be (over)shared.


  4. Another fun recap, well technically it is the one you started the day before 🙂 You have captured Maha´s spirit with her lingo and style. But you didn´t make any gifs!
    “A military funeral provides a convenient occasion to use up whatever bullets were still in stock after the Hawaiian Korean fireworks” for some reason this cracked me up the most LOL


    1. TY v much for liking this! *blushes* But, but, LOL, are YOU actually asking me to make gifs? YOU who specialises in giffing?! How very funny 🙂 Well, today I downloaded the episode and I’ll think about some visual enhancements for one of the next posts… That is, if I manage to get rid of my Not McG, who acts if we were family or whatnot and as if he had any right to claim my time. J/k(?)!


      1. Go for the gifs. Eventually I could use help on our blog with those 😉
        Ps doesn´t your NotMcG know how to play videogames? Buy him a playstation, he will soon forget about his whatwife?whosthat?


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