What follows are my fave selections from Maha’s sardonic recap of H50h 1.02. Here slightly edited and enhanced by visuals. The full original is to be found here. In case you wonder, Prettteee Maha is the FUCUP founder and queen, so it’s ultimately all about her.
Maha: McGarrett picks up some bullets that he identifies as “SS190 armour piercing rounds” and I immediately pass out from boredom (wiki the bullets here; they have pretty painted tips and I am reminded I must paint my nails).
Me: The bullets are actually prettteee. But Maha is more prettteee, obvi. Also, I just painted my nails grey, specially to go with McG’s grey/blue eyes. FYI.
Maha: Terrified, the Ginge [ginger kid] looks at McGarrett, who nimrods “We’re cops, don’t worry” as a means to calm the child, who I’m sure just peed all over his shorts, though not before McGarrett pointed his gun at the Ginge’s head and demanded that he not be scared.
Me: McG is a Neanderthal animal. I approve. McG, call me and prove you’re one!
Maha: Then. Suddenly. And without any warning whatsoever. McGarrett’s angry cargo pants are back on and they stand the suspect by the edge of the roof, shove him over and grab him dangling upside down over the entire world. Planted firmly between the suspect’s thighs, McGarrett demands “You wanna play?” and I respond to no one in particular “Yes, please.”
Me: Alskdjfghalskdjfgh… My laptop and my lap just completely freaked out.
Maha: Stuff happens and Danno is still p!ssed, while McGarrett thinks he can fly because he decides to walk toward the edge of the roof in order to leave. I don’t know if that was a mistake on Alex O’Loughlin’s part, but Scott Caan yells “That way? You’re going?” and I am once again laughing hysterically. Oh God, let there be a gag reel please.
Me: I will never stop laughing hysterically at this. I’m having first Steve and then Danno for some extra fun, please and thank you.
Maha: McGarrett signals to Kono that there are three of them, pointing out locations of the respective 5-0s. This signalling is all kinds of hot; I think because he’s giving orders and I have a soft spot for brutish meat-head Alpha males.
Me: I have a soft spot for McG-Spot. Who is welcome to give me orders anytime. I may refuse to cooperate. If only to make McG coerce me into submission. S.x Boot Camp McG Styles, nuff said.
Maha: Chin pins Kono’s police badge on to her shirt, confirms that he wouldn’t have missed her graduation for anything, and then she repeats after him, swearing her oath to be the biggest bad a$$ cop in the world. I sigh and think… I really love that I listened to people who recommended I watch this show.
Me: I really love that I clicked the link which recommended I read Maha.