These are selected quotes from Sardonic Maha’s recap of H50h 1.07, slightly edited and with the addition of pics. Read the full original text here.
Maha: She [Laura Hill] is eye$exed by McG as he asks what she’s got. She explains that [actor] Adam Beach is in fact Graham Wilson, a fellow SEAL like McPanty Destroyer. While McG fights tears, Danno is all business asking after the five things taught in Detective Camp: What, Where, Why, When and WTF?
Maha: McG is caught off guard because he had just been daydreaming about his handsome good looks, thinking: “My God! I am a handsome devil.” He recovers quickly and says that he will do it alone, while Danno shrugs his shoulders and asks if he’s here for entertainment alone. Yes. Yes, you are, Danno. You are here for the sole purpose of stripteasing my ovaries with your witty banter and pompadour.
Maha: Danno is worried that Adam Beach will see McG coming, but McG explains that Adam Beach will be expecting a threat from land and not water. I am perplexed that no one noted the massive size of The Missouri and that Adam Beach only has two eyes. Instead of investigating this further, I stop caring because McG is suddenly McShirtless and his pecs are waving at me, whispering that before the cameras rolled, Alex O’Loughlin completed 632 push-ups.
Maha: Techno rave pop music is playing as McG scales the side of The Missouri. When he gets to the top, he points his gun at no one. Confirming that he is alone, he pulls out a glow stick and starts dancing to the beats, y’all. His cargo pants air dry and he McFrowns his way through the corridors of The Missouri.
Maha: McG asks Adam to show a little bit of goodwill by releasing some of the hostages; when Adam says: “How can you, as a fellow crazy person in SEAL, ask me to give up my goods?” McG says he has him instead; I mutter: “Amen.” Adam Beach agrees to let McG fix the hero Peanut Man’s bleeding head. As result, McG asks for NAIL GLUE and SEWING KIT.
Maha: Cleverly, McSnoop manages to get the following information from Adam Beach: 6.5 years ago, he met his now dead wife in Germany. . . . She changed her name to tuck away her past (DANGER, WILL ROBINSON!) and her and Adam Beach performed the funky chicken down the aisle, while Alex O’Loughlin raved shirtless behind them with a glow stick. A separate entity, not appendage, you filthy s!uts.