Below are selections from brilliant Maha’s sardonic recap of H50h 1.08, slightly edited and upgraded by pics. Find the full original text here.
While Daniel is still crumping, his pompadour splutters and snorts and with buggy teary eyes may take a razor to itself at this news. Storming off, it yells that I[nternal] A[ffairs] is useless, and McG, would you give me the keys to my fkn car already?!
When McG avows his point of view, a small kerfuffle goes down between McG and Daniel and gets lost beneath the gears, screaming and coughing as it goes. In case you weren’t aware, kerfuffles are round, hairy and with very large eyes. McG grabs the kerfuffle, stows it into his pocket and says: “Ok, take it easy,” to which Daniel responds: “I’m easy and I bellow EASY LIKE SUNDAY MORNIN.”
Daniel is doing precisely what I do every single time I lay eyes on this sort of abstract art which I can recreate with a ruler and paint: he is mocking it. McG looks uncomfortable because he is wearing neither cargo pants nor combat boots.
A fake blond approaches and asks the Caucasian 5-0s if they like what they see; Daniel tells her the hideous bus stop sign is “conceptual” and McG doesn’t make eye contact when he responds: “It’s hard not to,” because he doesn’t like fake blonds and also because his emotional intelligence is stunted. Like Daniel’s growth.
Daniel responds that: “Right now, somewhere, Steve just twitched.” It’s in his Fountain of Youth, Daniel. It’s pretty self-evident that any and all twitching happens there. Tons of h0rny women have suddenly sprung into spontaneous screams aimed at no one in particular.
As swiftly as men come to violence, so too do they come to peace. If this were two women, one of us would have asked the other to avow it on her blog and then send an email to all of their friends, saying she was wrong. In 17 years from today, she would remind her “of that one time when…” and still cry about it.