*Alert: I’m sarcastic, unsentimental and fabricate things. And I love Show!*
A scantily clad call girl is suggestively cutting exotic fruit in a rich guy’s house. The guy himself, wearing Danno’s shirt, enters and has an indecent proposal. The bad bad girl says no and pushes him in the pool. (I think they’re role-playing.) Three guys, wearing Halloween masks, enter and don’t ask trick or treat. Instead, they treat the couple with the trick of shooting them on the spot. A baby starts crying for attention. (I think the call girl was actually a babysitter.)
Soft music plays. Steve, wearing nothing and being hard all over, wakes up to find his booty call girl gone. She’s sitting outside, wearing Kamekona’s XXXL tee, in the midst of a ridiculously romantic morning. Steve the hard guy, wearing Kamekona’s XXXL top, enters and makes the morning even more impressive. Cat is sorry that she has to hand in her uniform today and there will be no naughty role-playing anymore. Steve is sorry that Cat will now be playing with Kill Bill, who is twenty years his junior and has an all-American face. A phone starts crying for attention.
Wailing music plays. All Hawaiian coppers have gathered at the fortified house filled with fancy art where the Halloween party was held last night. The guy and the babysitter are reported to be of an ancient local family. (I don’t subscribe to this: the name sounds Dutch and the two couldn’t have been married. Hear, hear!) The Halloween guys were apparently looking for something in the house. The baby starts crying again and Danno holds her, despite a fellow copper’s protests that he mustn’t touch her because she’s evidence. (Just kidding.)
My soulmate Marx, wearing cheerful plaid under his depressive dissection robe, recites in convincing German into the phone. He is doing Steve’s shopping of a gift for Cat’s farewell to arms while he genuinely believes he’s just helping his Best Facebook Friend (BFF). Danno actively hates the BFF mention because he’s old school and believes you can only have one BFF. (And the position of Steve’s BFF is already taken by him, Danno, of course.) Marx and Steve act like twelve-year-olds and do a funny fist bump. Danno takes out his daughter’s pink phone and unfriends Steve on Facebook.
Funeral music plays. The babysitter’s sister, fully clothed, enters. She’s ushered to the mortuary where the babysitter herself, wearing post-mortem make-up, lies on the slab. Sister weeps. (A helluva mourner, she can clearly cry on command.) Wait. Steve addresses her madam! As the mistress of a house of ill fame? What a weird family! Madam doesn’t know why anyone would kill her sister. I think anyone would kill her because she was filthy wealthy, but I don’t say. Madam is taking her niece in custody and asks the H50h to solve the murder before the baby grows up.
Chinchin, whose means and immunity allow him to play Angry Birds and make private calls in work hours, just heard from Kono that she made it safely to Hong Kong. (Despite dragging her lame boyfriend in tow.) When Danno inquires about the case, Chinchin casually observes that the Hewlett-Packard Department (HPD) is cross-checking the list of items retrieved from the house against the list of ensured valuables to find out what was stolen. (See, this is labour division according to Chinchin.) Oh, and by the way, the dead rich guy’s currently penniless (pen!sless?) brother is the chief suspect.
Disco music plays. The pen!sless brother, wearing undies and socks, is having fun with three, ehm, female companions. He opens the door for room service but receives a mean hit in his belly by McBeast. Wait. Steve addresses the h00kers as ladies! There is something radically wrong in his perception of women. Having assaulted the brother physically, McBeast goes on to attack the brother’s (lack of) intelligence manifested in using his own house entry code for hired murder. Pen!sless breaks down with the news because all he did was selling his code to the highest bidder.
Cartoon music plays. Danno puts on Professor Freud’s coat and proceeds to lecture on the subject of the sordid sex life of rabbits. McBeast acts on the oxymoronic premise that the best way to make Danno shut up is to let him talk. Danno’s point is that when a she-rabbit and a he-rabbit are put in a box, they look each other deep in the eye and bang! (That’s what they start doing.) But McBeast thinks out of the box and is upset by the crude comparison of Cat to a rabbit. (What’s the big deal, rabbits are cute, right?) Danno gives an exasperated sigh. McBeast gives a sad smile.
Chinchin, already bored with Angry Birds, condescends to sharing that a single item was taken from the dead Dutchman’s fortress. It’s a piece of old bone. (The thieves must’ve been really poor.) Specifically, it’s whalebone cut into the shape of a leaf with the crescent of an extinct secret society engraved on it. Chinchin secretively whispers that the Dutchmen were a mysterious family. (I told you they were weird twenty minutes ago.) Chinchin may or may not know someone who could help. Judging from his heavily crinkled distressed faaaces, he hopes to be paid for the information.
Before bringing the team to the house of his schoolmate, Chinchin dispenses words of warning: Don’t mention Apollo 11, JFK, Area 51 and other cover-ups of US government. Don’t touch, don’t feed. The conspiracy theorist is Huge Hugo from Lost, Chinchin’s BFF from a boot camp which felt like being stranded on a desert island. (Obviously, guys, that’s what Lost was about!) Huge Hugo identifies the whalebone artefact as a literal key to a priceless treasure of the Medici family, which is suspected stolen by one of the Dutchmen ancestors. (I knew that the Dutchmen were thieves themselves!)
What happens next on the Treasure Island? Part Two of the recap is coming here!