What happened so far on H50h aka the Treasure Island? Read Part One here. Huge Hugo types a list of the Hawaiian Ivy League members on a typewriter next to a computer on the table. (Let me guess: he doesn’t trust computers.) Danno suggests inquiring at the cemetery, since all the guys on the list are dead. HPD Duke wishes to suggest something on the phone, but he can’t until Huge Hugo turns off the scrambler. (I’m mightily amused.) Duke points the H50hs in direction of the guy who purchased Pen!sless’s entry code. The Purchaser’s warehouse is clear but not clean, for there’s modelling clay and human bones in a closet. (Was the deceased closeted gay?)
Heart-jerking music plays. Out of a closet, Cat takes out her set of naughty navy uniforms and cries. She has almost as many military decorations as her boyfriend. (That is, a lot.) Carrying her life as she knows it away in a box, a group of guys in camo plus Kill Bill surround and scare her by screaming surprise! Kill Bill performs his stunning and dazzling Hollywood smile and offers Cat what looks like a wedding cake. (A bad sign.) He declares that if she changed her mind, he’s ready to kidnap her and keep her in a car trunk as long as it would take for her to unchange her mind again. (A bad boy.)
Huge Hugo, undercover as an (above) average tourist, ventures out of his den despite his fears of surveillance. (The fact that he’s paranoid doesn’t mean he’s not being watched.) He hands over to the H50hs the love letters of a guy who knew a guy who made the Golden Guy statue standing in front of the H50h building. Huge Hugo believes (besides that the US are secretly governed by green guys from another planet) that the correspondence is in code and that the whalebone key unlocks the Golden Guy. But where’s the keyhole? (And do we really want to know where GG’s keyhole is?)
Action music plays. Kamekona, flying his helicopter, turns all his passengers into scared kitties for said reason. Danno urges him to keep his eyes on the road (are there roads in the air?) and Huge Hugo wonders if he meets flying saucers often. Steve, who fears nothing, enjoys the flight and a lover’s convo with Cat. (Steve: Cat, I have a favour to ask you. – Cat: Never more. *hisses* – Steve: But Cat! – Cat: OK then. *meows*) Cat runs off to abuse the government equipment one last time. (*purrs*) As there’re thirteen more minutes to go, Kamekona lands safely on the island of Hawaii.
The Golden Guy on Oahu is a replica and the original Golden Guy is on Hawaii, that’s why the trip. McBeast literally hates GG’s guts, for he hits GG’s belly with a piece of piping, the statues crumbles, and it’s clearly not the real thing either. Chinchin, at present on Angry Birds rehab, proves that the threesome who shot the Dutchmen is the same who kidnapped the Golden Guy and replaced it by a plaster imitation. Huge Hugo meets Marx, much to his dismay, for he doesn’t know yet that he’d love Marx. (Remember the Lost episode “Everyone Loves Hugo”? Well, it’s “Everyone Loves Marx” here.)
Marx and Steve exchange conspiratorial looks (Huge Hugo screams: Ha, I got you!) and withdraw in the commander’s office. Marx procured the rare item for Cat’s farewell to the navy party as Steve requested. Steve ceremoniously accepts the package, curtsies and pockets it with a thank you. Words of thanks are unnecessary since money was invented, Marx thinks, and demands that Steve pay him an astronomically high prize. Steve places meagre alms in Marx’s outstretched hand and warns him that he carries a weapon. Marx warns him in turn that he’s a knight of the Jedi. (At least on eBay.)
Cat calls her boyfriend, whose reaction to her possible I love you is his impossible you don’t say. Cat found a code in Huge Hugo’s letters and invites them all to abuse government equipment with her. Huge Hugo plays Stevie Wonder and walks in the navy building with his eyes wide shut lest he sees something to get him shot. When he sees and likes Cat, Danno warns him that her boyfriend is a beast (yes, in bed) and could actually get him shot. Cat cracks the code, which says the Medici treasure is hidden in the Golden Guy’s foot. (I’m relieved it’s his foot.) Huge Hugo asks about the Roswell UFO.
Chinchin, currently experiencing Angry Birds withdrawal symptoms, calls McBeast with coordinates of the suspects’ position. One baddie is on the spot, Danno shoots him and scolds him for dripping blood on his shoes. The Golden Guy is in, his foot as yet unviolated. McDanno conspire to play an amateur theatrical piece and are apparently convincing enough to make the baddie believe they’ll kill him unless he says all he knows. Either that, or Show realised that there’re only six more minutes to go. The orphan-makers couldn’t unlock the foot yet because the stolen key is a replica. (Again?)
Tense music plays. A Hello Kitty bag in a museum bumps into a (handsome) suspicious guy, who pats the bag-wearer’s hair and says it’s okay. Handsome heads to an artefact on loan by the Dutchmen, the real key, while the H50hs are storming the building and bumping into visitors. (Why wasn’t I an extra in this scene?) There’s shooting and art pieces are being shot into just pieces. Handsome jumps on an ancient motorcycle and is involved in a nasty traffic accident. Danno tells himself to book him. McBeast frisks him and retrieves the key from his pocket. (Why wasn’t I the suspect in this scene?)
Victorious music plays. Steve hands over the key to Huge Hugo and has him have his way with it. Huge Hugo operates on GG’s foot and, as befitting a Lost actor, retrieves the lost Medici treasure from it. Now it’s Steve’s turn to put on Doctor Freud’s coat and inquire how Huge Hugo feels. Huge Hugo feels like coming out, hugs both Steve and Danno (lifting them off the ground and spinning them in the air as he does so) and declares his undying love for them. He offers his services to the team and specifies that he can be reached by pigeon post. (Let me guess: he doesn’t trust postmen.)
Time for Cat to say bye-bye to her fellow sailors. Steve approaches Cat with his gift and earns her perfect astonishment at the fact that it’s a real gift in a real gift wrapping. The box contains an ancient record. (It doesn’t come with a gramophone and I consider it wholly useless.) But the record has a sentimental meaning for Cat and she’s overjoyed. Cat is being officially praised as an outstanding officer. (I’m amazed and wish we’d ever seen her actually working.) Cat smiles at Steve and winks at Kill Bill, who winks back. McBeast stares at Kill Bill and flares his nostrils aggressively.