Read what happened so far in Part One here. Team is entrusted by Groom’s parents with finding and returning Bride. Instead, they try to convince Parents that they don’t want Bride back because she’s a marriage fraud fan. Wait. Groom’s father isn’t Groom’s father but an attorney hired to check Bride’s suitability to marry the rich and handsome heir. Attorney either didn’t d bother to do his job or he thought this detail unimportant. (<< Irony alert.) Groom is upset and runs away to stare at the ocean. The most unlikely person goes to comfort him. Yes, Steve! The two stare at the ocean together in a male supportive ritual I don’t understand.
McDanno pull in at their headquarters. (No, I don’t mean the shrimp truck.) Kill Bill, all dressed up and nowhere to go, is hanging about. Danno says a significant aha and Steve says hi, instead of arresting Kill Bill for loitering with intent. Cat is expecting Steve upstairs, for the first time wearing clothes fit for a human rather than a Martian. When Steve spots her in her smart suit, he squees, his mouth fails to close and he starts drooling uncontrollably. (Is Steve a FUCUP?) Cat wishes to use his equipment (no innuendo, please), Steve teases her that he won’t, but Cat pacifies him to submission.
Chinchin is riding his cycle so–obviously–slowly–that–it’s–strange–he–doesn’t–fall–off. He’s hunting for Bride, tracking her cell phone signal. He finds her at the bottom of her downhill slide, as yet alive, uneaten by wombats and koalas. In the hospital, Bride tearfully tells to McDanno her story of an abused child who was forced by her brother to prostitution, I mean: to marriage scams. When her p!mp was cleared away into prison, she started her own business, I mean: she started her new life with a man she really and truly loved even before she knew he was rich. (*snort*) Poor Cinderella.
Cinderella’s mother-in-law-to-be (MILTB) jumps at Attorney’s head (and I start to suspect that he is after all Groom’s father.) But MILTB jumps at Attorney in a bad way and demands to see Cinderella’s clean record that his research on her background allegedly yielded. Attorney instead shows her his gun (no innuendo intended). MILTB fondles her b00bs and pulls bugging wires out of her bra, on which Team jumps at Attorney and secures him. Attorney admits that he blackmailed Bride for a little extra money, not daring to mess with his BAMF employer. Steve finds this unambitious scheme pitiable.
Steve approaches Prince Charming to hand him over a piece of paper found in Cinderella’s car. A M@rs bar wrapping? A suicide note? Oh, no. It’s Cinderella’s wedding wows. Prince Charming reads it and it’s awfully sentimental. (For the record: in my culture, all that the groom and the bride exchange is an aye and off they go drinking, no melodrama.) Prince Charming kidnaps a priest, drags McDanno along as witnesses and storms Cinderella’s hospital room to pathetically declare he wants to marry her on the spot. (It’s so terribly sweet that it’s giving me diabetes and I quit this scene.)
The day is over. Danno comes home and finds Gabby on the couch, fully dressed and in a non-suggestive pose. (Both the couch and Gabby.) You can tell that Danno is disappointed. He tells Gabby a bunch of nice things, which he unfortunately tops by breaking up with her to protect Monkey. (<< Excuse me?) Cat comes home and finds Steve sitting on the porch, also fully dressed and in a non-suggestive pose. You can tell that I’m disappointed. Kill Bill, who’s stalking Cat, performs a fake smile and waves at Steve. Steve unenthusiastically waves back and makes a constipated face. The end?