H50h 4.08 ROFL Recap/Picspam: On Alphas, Yodas and FOY Fights [Part 2]

What’s this all about? Find out in Part One here. Chiant asks himself to help Steve with bandaging the tattoo and says both pretty please and thank you to himself. I’m amused. Steve isn’t. The alphas storm outside in search of cell reception. Chiant finds that his daughter’s Hello Kitty laptop was kidnapped too and yells an obscene insult at no one in particular. Steve asks what’s wrong and Chiant ignores him. I’m still mightily amused. Steve still isn’t. Steve calls Chiant, who’s waving his smartphone in the air, a blind giraffe, and I’m crying real tears while laughing. The alphas have a foot-argument because they can’t have a cargument for lack of car.

They find the kidnapper’s car abandoned on the road because it was leaking petrol. (The kidnapper clearly could’ve done with some of Chiant’s pancake batter to stop the leaking.) There is dye in the car used by banks to spoil the fun and the money for robbers, so the kidnapper must have thieved a bank besides thieving Yoda. Either that, or he tried to dye his hair pink. The kidnapper thieves another car at the nearby stables and off he riiiiiides. There are no more cars but horses, so guess what! Yea, though they walked through the valley of no cell reception, the alphas now go on horseback!

O.-M.-G.!! I’m literally rolling on the floor laughing as the procedural show turns into a comic western. Steve and Chiant are riding determined each their respective horse and are heavily outnumbered by the horses under the hood of the car that they’re fake-pursuing. Also, the sheer size of Steve and even more Chiant makes the horses look like Shetland ponies. The two alphas don’t neglect to bicker while riding and shooting, and I’m moving my laptop down to the floor where I’m still ROFLing. They don’t catch the car, so they dismount and braid their respective ponies’ manes.

Back to civilisation (though Danno would disagree), the alphas pay a courtesy visit to the bank which is suspected to have been ransacked by the thieves-turned-kidnappers. A woman in a prairie girl’s outfit insists that there’s been no robbery, the alphas insist otherwise, and when the vault opens, there’s nothing. Everything except Prairie Woman has been thieved. Prairie Woman removes her cowgirl hat, wipes her brow with a plaid handkerchief and proceeds to braid a rope from her hair to hang herself on because she screwed up. About hair, where the h€ll is Danno’s pompadour anyway?

At the H50h headquarters, Danno’s hair is still missing while the remaining Five-Ohs plus Chiant observe that the thief team had a geek among them who hacked the bank computer system. Steve performs some frown p0rn, dances his n!ps under the tight grey tee and dramatically deduces that Yoda must’ve been involved in the robbery. I applaud the sharpness of his observation. *chuckle* Chiant is worried less about the thieved Yoda than about his thieved laptop. He explains why, on which Steve’s jaw drops and Chinjin collapses on the top of ESS, where he rolls to and fro with laughter.

The Five-Ohs wonder if the geek and the thieves met while on community service, but then they find out that they were introduced by a matchmaker. The Matchmaker is currently in home prison, adorned with a GPS bracelet, so the alphas go to drop by at his house for tea. Steve the Pavlov dog storms in with his gun ready to strike. Chiant yells at Steve that he’s got blood. (Dear Chiant, I’ve got five litres of it and don’t make such fuss for nothing.) Except it’s not for nothing. Chiant discovers a human foot severed from the body, lying in a bathtub and wearing a bracelet. It’s seriously revolting.

Chinjin makes an I-Know-It-All Face and informs the alphas that Matchmaker’s car is now in the dock, where he’s got a boat. Good on him. Hilariously, the alphas arrive at the moment where two perps are holding footless Matchmaker in between them, supporting him. The alphas yell at them to get on their knees, so they just drop poor Matchmaker on the floor and get down. It’s all very amusing, that is, if you manage to ignore the bloody stump at the end of Matchmaker’s leg. Also, Matchmaker looks moderately bored, while in RL he’d be either dead or unconscious or at best screaming in agony.

Ok, things are getting complicated now and I’m not sure that I care about the case so much as to follow the procedural stuff done in the Blue Room and over ESS. Suffice to say that Yoda is not a youthful criminal but a terrorising terrorist who terrorises for the highest bidder. The bank robbery wasn’t a robbery but a system test, for Yoda is now apparently working against his government. The test went well for Yoda but less so for the thieves, whom Yoda played at the end. Chiant’s Hello Kitty laptop goes online at the airport, and Chiant starts jumping up and down and cheering with joy. *cheers*

The alphas storm the airport and passengers start running about hysterically like scared chickens. Yoda is pleased that the alphas got his invitation and Chiant is pleased to be reunited with his kittens. I mean, with his Hello Kitty laptop. That is, until he notices that there’s a flight tracking on the laptop and Yoda announces that if they don’t do his bidding, he’ll drop the plane in the ocean. All the three sit down peacefully, braid each other’s hair and discuss their options over a cup of hot chocolate. (No, they don’t.) What Yoda wants is a boarding ticket to his chosen flight leaving within half an hour.

The alphas do brainstorming. I’m listening little and staring much. *stares* The Hello Kitty laptop turns out not to be a murder weapon because the flight is being controlled from another computer. By crosschecking its possible locations with the places where Yoda got parking tickets, Cat tracks down the computer and returns the control of the flight to its pilots. (Since when is Cat a hobby hacker?) Anyway, the alphas set out to arrest Yoda, whom they boarded on the plane as he wanted. The plane hasn’t taken off yet, but Yoda had disappeared. He left the laptop behind, though! *happy dance*

The alphas are invited over for tea to the governor. Both take full responsibility for what happened, but the governor sees the bright side of things and congratulates them. (The alphas want to braid his hair but can’t because he has none.) The alphas congratulate each other and everyone’s is happy except me because Steve hasn’t removed his pants yet. Chiant returns the laptop to his daughter and explains that web cam s€x is not a safe s€x. She complies and they hug. *hugsies* Steve goes to an ATM and Yoda texts him via it that he should’ve paid the parking tickets. Steve promises to find him. About me, you’ll find me in the FOYland. Finis.

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