Pants have been removed. Off the wrong man. Boo. Panties have been poofed. Off me. Ooh. The handsome devil hasn’t removed his pants yet but has majik powers over my panties and other stuff happens.
One mean guy is at court. He looks terribly bored when the judge prophesises that he shall be judged by a higher power. For now the judge sentences him to life in prison, which makes the guy go gaga and he runs. You never knew he easy it was to escape from court, right?
Meanwhile Danno and Monkey are being judged by a higher power aka the school headmistress. I’m not sure if Danno is present as a father or as a lawyer. Danno says that he’s present as a cop and that there are extenuating circumstances to Monkey’s crime. Monkey cuts it short, says she’s sorry and gets expelled from school for a week. This punishment looks actually desirable. Danno suspects that his old Monkey has been abducted by aliens and replaced by a new Monkey. Monkey exercises her right to remain silent.
McDanno get out of the car and Danno complains because that’s what he does. When suddenly Steve says something smart AND. RUBS. HIS. THUMB. SENSUALLY. AGAINST. HIS. LIPS… I have a momentary blackout. When I regain consciousness, Steve is prophesising that the runaway perp, named Paris, will resurface soon. There’s a view of the back of Steve’s scrumptious neck getting in the car. My drool is forming puddles under my keyboard as I type. In the car a gun is pushed against Steve’s still scrumptious neck and he’s told to drive.
Steve drives because that’s what he does anyway. The gunman who takes liberties with Steve’s still so scrumptious neck is Paris. The French Capital (Paris) collects Danno’s smartphone to see if there’s any p0rn to amuse himself. There’s just Monkey. Paris dials Monkey and prophesises that she will hear Danno dying if Danno doesn’t make something to get them past the cop-infested fugitive checkpoint in front of them. Danno does nothing, but Steve uses his means and immunity to call the cops off and saves Danno’s cute a$$. Long live his a$$.
Paris grabs Steve’s phone now, but there’s no p0rn either. This enrages him and he violently crushes both smartphones, the smartphone hater that he is. He orders Danno to cuff himself to Steve and I squee for no reason in particular. (I’m lying.) I don’t like submissive Steve but as the cold metal clicks on Steve’s wrist, my panties scream with pleasure because Danno is living my fantasy. Paris wants a new car, so he uses the police siren to stop one. He demands from the driver to drop his pants, and I yell: TAKE STEVE’S PANTS INSTEAD!! He ignores me.
Steve pulls in at a construction site. Danno is ordered to get out and bring Paris the head of one Ablahblah, the key witness in Paris’s case, who works here. On second thought, Paris doesn’t want his head but the whole person, alive, because said Ablahblah lied under oath and poor Paris is a vic of a scam. This is unfortunate and disappointing because Paris is much stupider than what I thought. Paris, the mastermind that he’s not, wants Ablahblah to clear his name. Chinchin and Cat and the Majik Table meanwhile prove Paris’s version of events.
Cat notices that Steve is in trouble because he hasn’t asked her for a favour for over fifteen minutes. She alerts SWAT and SWAT finds McDanno’s abandoned black Camaro. Because Show hasn’t put anyone in a car trunk for a while, they put in the Camaro’s trunk the pantsless guy whose car was stolen. At least he’s not going commando. Unlike Steve, who should totally go commando AND pantsless. (Can you hear me, Show?) Meanwhile Paris orders Steve to lose them (not the pants but the cops that are tailing them) and Steve obliges.
Steve loses the cops, which is somewhat surprising, given that he’s driving at 5mph. Danno manages to pacify Paris’s a$$ in the process and is momentarily happy. That is, until Steve solemnly announces that he promised Paris not to give him in until they investigate his case. And promises are promises. Danno spills the address of Ablahblah’s house, which he got at the construction site but was keeping to himself. In the house there’s Ablahblah dead and a bunch of ninjas determined to shoot everyone’s a$$es into pieces. But SWAT saves the day.
The house has been turned into a piece of Emmental cheese and Paris has escaped, but nobody blames nobody else. Cat jumps in Steve’s arms and hugs him with her thighs. (She doesn’t, but that’s what a FUCUP would do.) Cat ignores Danno, who remarks that he’s fine too, on which he curls up on the lawn, rocks to and fro and cries. He clearly needs a hug too. In terms of plot, some boring stuff happens, and it turns out that Paris’s daughter was under surveillance in case Paris contacts her, but the cop on duty stopped speaking to anyone.
Said cop is not as much rude as rather dead, as the Five Ohs discover on the spot. In a secluded place, Paris’s daughter with pretty hair but too much eyeliner is meeting her dad the jailbird. She hates him something fierce and she gave him up to whom she thought were FBI. Except they were not as much FBI as rather the guys who had set Paris up. There’s a shoot-out and everyone dies. Just kidding, guys! Only the baddies die and Paris. His daughter smudges her eyeliner and tells him things you tell to dying people so they can die happy.
Said daughter receives a formal apology at court. I prophesise that the judge will be judged by a higher power, as he said at the beginning. Then I forget everything except the power that Steve exercises over my panties because he hugs the girl so very sweetly and I go helplessly: AAWWW… My panties curl up on my keyboard, rock to and fro and cry because they can’t cope with so much sweetness. I need a hug too! (With Steve’s thighs, preferably.)
Anyway. Emo Danno decides that he should be nicer to Monkey lest Monkey should become a father-hater like Paris’s daughter. He compliments Monkey on her right hook and declares that he’s proud that she did the right thing and knocked out a boy who was being awful to a girl. There’s a view of Steve spread in a chair and wearing a suit. He smiles and I fade to black. When I regain consciousness, they’re eating pooh-pooh and Steve, who pinched Cat’s credit card, is buying Danno a drink. They smile at each other and me. I fade to black.