˅ THIS ˅ is a comprehensive illustrated compilation of FUCUPspeak, complete and unabridged. It had better be. It was put together from all the best places. Don’t feed this post to plagiarism checker software. For reasons. Some of the words are internet speak, some are FUCUP-specific, but none are originally mine. (Credit given where known.)


Entries based on Champictionary, H50BAMF-Speak, Sardonictionary and Urban Dictionary.


  • A.A. (After Alex): Your life as you now know it. (No, it wasn’t always like this.) The opposite of B.A. (Before Alex): Your life as you knew it once. Irretrievably lost. RIP.
  • Alskdjfhg (and variations): An expression of wordlessness. Allows multiple translations, e.g. Kimmer’s holy-friggin-hell-his-face-should-come-with-a-warning-for-people-with-heart-issues-because-mine-is-beating-very-fast-right-now.
  • ACA (All Caps Agreeing): The proper way to say YES enthusiastically.
  • ACDA (All Caps Disagreeing): The proper way to say F.CK OFF NO. With all due respect.
  • AOL (Alex O’Loughlin, aka THE MAN): In the unlikely case that you didn’t know this one, could you pls enlighten me as to your purpose here? #justcurious
  • AOLeffect: Occurs when you grant your Not McG s.xing favours that you would much rather grant to AOL. Often happens on Mondays, about 11/10c. Everyone involved wins.
  • A$$mashing: A professional critical theoretical term for action scenes on H50.
  • Atplenkov (aka @PLenkov): 1) The name we give Peter Lenkov, executive producer of H50. 2) Also the name Maha chose to call her first-born-child-to-be-conceived-with-the-FOY.
  • Awkwardchickflickmoment: Happens when people get so overwhelmed by a spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings that they express their undying love for their ohana in a ridiculously sentimental manner. Happens to the most cynical of us. [Credit: GLBali]


  • B.A. (Before Alex): The vaguely recalled period of your life when you used to be normal. Remember? (I don’t. Neither remember, not want to.) Rarely also as B.B.B. (Before the Big Bang made by my exploding panties when first laying myself my eyes on THE MAN.)
  • BAMF (Bad A$$ Mother F.cker): A dangerous man who is dangerous. Also dangerously s.xy. A one-word definition of BAMF is McG.

  • B/c (Because): Not to be confused with B.C. (Before Christ). B/c we measure time in Alex-units: B.A. (Before) and A.A. (After).
  • xBL2I&B (By Buzz Lightyear to Infinity and Beyond): An intensifying device. Much cooler than very.
  • BTTF (Boulder to the Face): The paradox that when McG is wounded, he looks even better than before. Cured by the power of the FOY.


  • CALL ME!!: A pathetic cry directed at the person who makes you alskdjfgh and who will never call you. (I know, I’m a devourer of dreams.) Typically targeted at computer / smart phone / TV screens. [Credit: Maha]
  • Clarica: Stating in words what a smart person deduces in her mind. Often connected to COTW. E.g. “Sand Man is running away.” – “I see Sand Man running.” – “Let’s catch him.” – “We really should.” – “Let’s!” [Quote credit: Maha]

  • COTW (Crime of the Week, also Criminal of the Week): A crime happens in Hawaii and is solved in under 43 minutes. (Have you noticed that H50 is a procedural? I have only recently.)
  • C.nt: A person who gets distracted by the H50 plot. (Yes. There is plot. So I hear.) A term of mild reproach, not authentically offensive. [Credit: Ess]


  • Daaat Faaace: Any of the assorted faaaces that THE MAN makes. Especially the ones that make your own face smile stupidly, your eyes go glazed and your mouth open wide. *drool*
  • Dat Fine A$$: Seriously? You need a definition? OK. A one-word definition is perfection. You need a pic? Forget it! Cause we don’t objectify people here. Dun dun dun duuuuuun!
  • Dun dun dun duuuuuun!: The tune announces that severe sardonicism is due. Usually as a response to sth dumb-ish and/or clarica-ish. Known elsewhere as bazinga. [Credit: Maha]


  • Ess: 1) The majik table in H50 HQ. 2) Or, H50 BAMF Princess Buttercup aka Ess, who has projection issues related to the majik table. She wants to BE the majik table and have McG control her touch screen.
  • Eyes.xing: McG’s first choice of weapon. Causes instant multiple pregnancy. Works long-distance. The TV screen barrier does NOT have a contraceptive effect. [Credit: Maha]


  • FLR (Fkn Life Ruiner): Synonymous with AOL. His existence ruins your life b/c he makes you impose ungodly requirements on people, especially male, other than GOD AOL. FLR-shout is a common condensed response to AOL committing sth criminally wonderful.
  • FOY (Fountain of Youth): A weapon of mass panty destruction resident in McG’s pants. #PrivatePartsProperty. ALWAYS.IN.ALL.CAPS to reflect the FOY’s dimensions. The subject of FUCUP worship. [Credit: Maha]
  • FOY Envy: Replaces p.nis envy. #FreudYouGotMe
  • FOY Frames: Any device that hugs THE MAN’s thighs and showcases the FOY. Typically double thigh holsters or safety harness. Causes earthquakes as it makes many FUCUPs thud at the same time.
  • Free the Gecko: In reference to the right nip tat and the lousy job the H50 make-up department makes in painting it orange. Cause they think orange is the natural skin colour. Cute. Bazinga! [Credit: Ess]
  • Free the Not Gecko: In reference to the left nip tat. ^ Ditto. ^
  • FTW (For the Win): Short for cheers and applause. Often a response to someone’s brilliant remark. (I get FTW-ed a lot. Wait. It’s WTF-ed I get.)
  • FUCUP (FOY United Cuties Urging Pantslessness): That’s us. Smart, naughty and funny. United by a collective hive mind and an urgent desire to remove THE MAN’s pants. And freee the FOY.
  • FYI (For Your Information): A disclaimer used AFTER you provide a bit of info that nobody really needed or wanted to know. E.g.: “I want to suck on McG’s neck, and then bite his mouth until it bleeds. You know, FYI.” [Quote credit: Maha]
  • FWA (Fkn Work of Art): 1) The colour tat located on THE MAN’S lower back. And reaching even lower to we don’t know where. #InAPrivateCollectionNotOnDisplay. Started as a black Tramp Stamp seen in TOF. 2) Also used in reference to THE MAN himself. 3) Also used metaphorically. E.g.: This site is a FWA! #NotConceitedAtall


  • H50 (Hawaii Five-0, aka Show): The excuse for perving over pretty on a weekly basis. Apparently a procedural TV show. (Tho I can’t say.)
  • Hooker: A term of endearment among fellow FUCUPs with an established history. Typically bestowed on a FUCUP who just said what the other FUCUP only imagined.
  • Hugsies: An affectionate hug involving full body contact. Usually aimed at a fellow FUCUP. The second best treat, losing it only to s.xing favours. [Credit: Maha]


  • IHH/NID (I Hate Him/No, I Don’t): An early symptom of schizophrenia. Other than that, a perfectly normal fangirl condition when she loves him to hate him. May be prolonged to permanent.
  • Imhotstuffitis: Aka vein p*rn. A turn-on affliction manifested on AOL’s arms, hands, neck and – when the FOY rises to greet you occasion arises – also elsewhere. [Credit: Maha]
  • IMHO (In My Humble Opinion): Used to indicate that you may or may not be proud of your opinion.


  • J/k (Joking): Used to indicate that you may or may not be joking.


  • Koala (aka Fkn Koala): A deceptively polite replacement for any four-letter word you can think of. In terms of intensity, koala is much more offensive than c.unt. [Credit: Maha]


  • L.sbian: A person of either sex and any sexual preference who fails to remove THE MAN’s pants. The entire H50 is l.sbians. Except Cath, who is a closeted non-l.sbian cause she only removes McG’s pants off camera. [Credit: Maha]

  • LLWL (Lying Liar Who Lies): Used when you want to make your point something fierce. Inspires analogical coinages: e.g. Cheating Cheater Who Cheats (DennoRachel) or Teasing Tease Who Teases (Atplenkov).


  • Maha (aka Mama): Short for Prettteee Maha. FUCUP founding mother and appointed Queen.
  • Majik Table (aka Ess): Perv spelling for magic table. The computer-cum-table device in H50 HQ that solves a crime when you insert random evidence.
  • McG: Commander McGarrett reporting for duty. That’s all.
  • McG-Spot: 1) A soft spot inside you. #NotAEuphemism. Feels good when stimulated by pretty. Visually stimulated, that is. #GetYourMindOutOfTheGutter. 2) Also used for THE MAN as such. Cause he’s the stimulant.
  • McNerd: A FUCUP suspiciously keen on McG-centred trivia and facts. (Hello Infant Sardonic!) Anything you ask, she knows it or finds it out.
  • Mooney: An adherent of the Moonlight series. A poor misled lamb. J/k!


  • Not McG: 1) Your love interest / BF / hubby. Unless you are Cath, who’s got the real thing. Unless you are Malia, who’s got THE real MAN. 2) Also a euphemism for BOB (Battery Operated Boyfriend): Suffice to say that this BF is reduced to his *cough* operating tool. (Hello Lurxgirl!) [Credit: Kimmer]


  • Ohana: The H50 family. Not to be confused with RL family. RL family are the strangers who share your place and act as if you were related. WTF?


  • Perv (Pervert): A term of endearment used for fellow FUCUPs. Its bestowal stirs feelings of pride.
  • Picnic: The awkward moment when Show fcks up something so fierce that a FUCUP right in her senses can’t enjoy herself because of it. Typically cheetos make-up (#FreeTheGecko), wardrobe choices (#BlueIsNotTheOnlyColour) and wig hairstyle (#LoseTheRug). [Credit: Heymomo & Alicia]


  • RIP (Rest in Peace): A polite way to say hello to dead people.
  • RL (Real Life): Not a favourite concept with the FUCUPs. Hardly any has any. Usually subject to subconscious suppression. (Hello Freud!)


  • SBJ&TO (Sweet Baby Jesus and the Orphans): A godly exclamation for ungodly thoughts undercover. [Credit: Wee Jayne]
  • Scooter: Animate and inanimate objects on pics with Alex that are NOT Alex. In 99% cases they go unnoticed. [Credit: Steph & Heymomo]

  • S.x Boot Camp McG Styles: An X-rated Aloha Girls outing. Involves grappling, panting and moaning. Also duct tape, nail glue and sewing. Pantslessness and the FOY provided for all. [Credit: Maha]
  • S.xing Favours: 1) The man/meat Cath gets in exchange for abusing government facilities. 2) Also an affectionate form of saying hi/bye to a fellow FUCUP. The best treat you can receive virtually.
  • Shopping in BangCock: 1) What Cath enjoys regularly. 2) What FUCUPs go for to the S.x Boot Camp McG Styles.
  • Sl.tpile: Happens when two or more FUCUPs  bang into each other and spontaneously start running in the direction of the FOY, gathering more FUCUPs on the way. Tends to get hot, sweaty & dirty. In all conceivable senses. [Credit: Westy]


  • TPD (Total Panty Destroyer): Just another abbreviation for AOL. If you’re wearing panties, you’re not a FUCUP. Don’t get me wrong, we’d LOVE to wear panties, but we can’t keep these b@stards from emigrating to Hawaii to be united with McG-Spot. Hence, we must go panties-less.
  • TBUP (The Back-Up Plan): Suffice to say it’s a rom-com only redeemed by the presence of pretty. No more on this. *shudders*
  • TMI (Too Much Information): A polite way to sign off a discussion comment in which you just shared your explicit fantasies in excruciating detail. Also known as oversharing.
  • TOF (The Oyster Farmer): A nonmainstream movie in the best possible way. Nekkidness and Barry Whiteing included as the cherries on top.
  • TOFFY: An admirer of the above, which most of us are, but some ain’t. (Hello Westy!)
  • TPTB (The Powers That Be): Atplenkov, CBS and other entities in the position of power that could but won’t give us what we want: PANTSLESSNESS!! Among other things.


  • Unfff: An exasperated interjection indicating a lack of words in the face of pretty.


  • (Very): Cause we can’t be bothered typing this four-letter word in full.


  • WP: 1) (Word Press): TPTB of this blog. As often as not a malevolent koala. J/k! 2) (Wet Pant(ie)s): A) An aesthetically highly satisfactory phenomenon occurring when the H50hs get wet in the heat of perp pursuit. B) A frustrating event happening to your panties when overexcited.
  • WhyIs: A profound metaphysical inquiry. Originally a lament over the awkwardly written character of Lori. Now applicable to any other why-question.

{Not found what you’re looking for? Chances are you’ll find it here.}


{There’s not much too disclaim here. Dun dun dun duuuuuun! Except that I’m a non-native speaker, which has been already disclaimed elsewhere. Honestly, it never occurred to me that this should be a problem when making a (Bad) English Dictionary. Dun dun dun duuuuuun! You’re welcome.}

Linguistic Sidebar: I’m fully aware that the words bad, funny and pretty are adjectives. This knowledge does not bar me from using them occasionally as uncountable nouns. In your face! #MyBad #IEnvyKimmer’sFunny #IEnvyMaha’sPretty (< See? No issue!)

TAGS: #FUCUP Facts, #FUCUPs, #FUCUP Shout Outs, #I Know It’s Not Halloween, #Perving over Pretty


4 thoughts on “Dic(k)tionary

  1. Wow, great job with this one. I keep forgetting some, so this was a good read for me (again). I have never been fluent in FUCUP lingo and never will be. How is it that the most verbally clever H00kers found their way to sardonic and gave birth to such a “rich” lingo of it´s own…clever ladies and Maha most of all 🙂


    1. You can’t imagine how I ❤ you for liking this 🙂 . The dick(tionary) is something I really enjoyed doing. Maha is obvi a genius, but so are you other guys, who contributed in all ways to making this “language”. Except me, who just lamely steals what you others invented! #ThievingThiefWhoThieves


    1. Haha, it’s funny, this page has been here since ages, it was the first one I created in fact 🙂 And I’m happy that you rediscovered it! Good old times… *sigh*


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